


Hell was the journey but it brought me Heaven

by iileftherbehind



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Finale spoilers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, The 100 (TV) Season 7, What They Deserved, season 7 fix it fic, transcendence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:34:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26774479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iileftherbehind/pseuds/iileftherbehind
Summary: 7x16 SPOILERS AHEAD!The series finale where Clarke doesn't get to transcend so Bellamy gives it up just to come back and stay with her. All their friends follow. They're finally at peace, they're finally home. And most importantly, they’re together.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 132





	Hell was the journey but it brought me Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM SEASON 7 AND IN PARTICULAR 7X16!!!!!!!
> 
> -
> 
> Just a season seven fixit fic because I can't stand the way they wrote it and the finale. I'd have so much to complain about but the space's not big enough. Important: in this fic Clarke did NOT kill Bellamy, because we despise bad writing and honor Clarke's development :) He did, howver, die by someone else's hands, to then transcend.
> 
> (title is from invisible string by Taylor Swift)

The thing is, Clarke knows what it's like to be alone.   
She's been alone plenty of times, felt alone even more, and yet she just can't shake the fear of ending up, once again, alone, off her shoulders. Maybe, it's because she knows this time is permanent. When she left after Mt. Weather, she knew she would've seen her friends again eventually. Not because she was sure of returning, but because she knew their fight was not over. Even after Praimfaya, the only thing that pushed her to survive through all that pain was the hope of seeing them all again one day.   
While now... now everything is over.   
The entire human race has transcended except her. Once again...she bears it, so they don't have to.

It's morning when she gets to Earth. Her and Picasso scout the zone near the Bunker for water. When she finds the nearest creek, she can't help but bitterly smile at the way Picasso gets in the water and starts splashing her paws in it. It reminds her a lot of the very first time she saw a creek, or water for that matter. The very first time she saw Earth. It's funny and bittersweet how her dream has always been that... the ground. She remembers having dreams about it, imagining it with open eyes and trying to feel the breeze on her skin and the smell the sea air had. Try to imagine the green all around her, the sound of the water running and the sun on her skin, burning just a little, enough to make her feel out of a box, not stuck in space anymore. And when she finally got it, when she finally got to be out of there, and on Earth... things didn't go as planned. 

She turns to gaze at the sun going down. It hurts to think about everything that brought her here, but she doesn't regret it, because she met some of the most amazing people in her life. Somehow, with even the smallest crumbs of good sense she still finds in herself, she feels happy because they're all at peace now, together. She may not be with them... but they got it. They got their may we meet again... they got to live in a world were violence and suffering don't prevail, a world where you can go surfing if you want and a grounder won't come out of nowhere to kill you. A world where you can say you want to paint and you won't be locked in a Mountain and used for your bone marrow in return. A world where all you want is protect your sister but you do not get your innocence and life taken away in the process. A world where your deepest wish is to float in zero-G but and it doesn't cost your leg. A world that doesn't beat you and hurt you repeatedly, forcing you to do the worst to survive, because only cockroaches survive.

A world where they'll live happily.   
At the end of the day, she sacrificed herself tons of other times to give them that.

* * *

It's the end and she can't quite wrap her mind around it. For years she's thought about how it would've ended, _if_ it would've ended, if all the fights would come to a conclusion and if her and her friends would ever find the peace they so much needed ever since they were born.  
But she can't believe this is it. She thinks about it as she brings her food — newly fished fishes — to her cave just two days after everything happened. She sees the bunker's entrance and she has to think about it. Because as much as knowing the people she loves the most, somehow, are happy now, are at peace, makes her happy, it doesn't mean her ghosts are gone.

She can't help it. She misses them. She misses them like air and she hates being alone. The feeling of terror she felt wandering Earth alone before her friends came back from the sky, now is back just like that, and it reminds her a lot of why she hates being alone: she would not stop thinking.

She thinks about everything she, they, had to do to come to this: all the lives she took, all the lives she saved that were never enough to make the guilt of killing any less painful. All the times her friends were her side, and all the times they turned against her because they didn't understand. All the times she had to hear them yell at her because she decided who lived and who died. All the times she had to take a hard decision they would've ended up in tons of nightmares and ghosts following her everywhere. All the times she'd felt home somewhere. All the times she'd felt home in someone's arms. All the times she'd call home a person...

...he comes haunting her dreams that night.

  
She wakes up alone, but she knows she saw him. Bellamy was standing in front of her, and just like some days ago, she watched her best friend and the man who's been by her side unconditionally through hell and back, die in front of her eyes. Someone shooting him because he was believing in the wrong thing in the wrong moment in the wrong place. She couldn't do anything back then when it happened, and she couldn't do anything in the dream either. She just stood there, and watched him die. And felt the pain. All over her body. If she could talk to him... she'd tell him everything she hasn't had the opportunity to say.

And she'd thank him, for making her feel loved, even if not for long.

She wakes up with wet cheeks.

###

Bellamy can still feel the sudden sensation of comforting warmth in his body now and then.  
He doesn't quite know where he is. The surroundings are obvious: he's in the ark. But he knows that's not exactly the ark.

Because he knows he died.

It doesn't take him long to figure he was right.

Transcendence, everything Cadogan talked about, everything he read about in the book in Etherea, everything he felt when the figure that so much resembled to his mother touched his cheek and he couldn't contain the tears anymore, is real.

Even if he can't quite figure what this is yet, he knows he must be somewhere good. Somewhere peaceful. Somewhere better. He not only knows it, but he can feel it.

He meets Jasper and Monty the following days, seeing them in Jasper's old cell playing a very old videogame he loved. They hug him tight and he smiles. They bring him to the others, to Harper, to Wells, to Lincoln and Finn, to Monroe and Gina, and one by one, Bellamy sees all his friends — his family — he lost. He didn't think he would've seen them ever again, but if there's one thing he is, he's deeply thankful to have this chance.

And what makes him hopeful for the tomorrow, what makes him sleep at night, is that he will, one day, reunite with the rest of his family too.

The when, he doesn't know it yet.

It's a cold morning and he's just done talking about Raven and how she managed to save them all even more than once to Finn when it happens.   
It's brief but Bellamy doesn't miss the sudden flash. He thinks it's the stars reflecting against the glass of the ark, but he then quickly scratches it off when he realizes that they're not in the ark. And those are not true stars. 

And so before he knows it, the same warm feeling embraces him as he sees all of his friends appearing from intense and little blazes of light floating around him and the others.

Murphy is the first. He sees Raven after that. Emori and Jackson, Miller and Echo. Octavia. Everyone, slowly and one by one take their human resemblances. Everyone is silent. They can't quite figure what it's happening, but for Bellamy, it doesn't take a lot. He exhales heavily and bursts into a happy laughter, tears pricking his eyes. They're home.

* * *

It doesn't take long before Bellamy notices, though. He hugs Octavia tight and smiles at everyone, while he sees hugs and kind words being exchanged all around him, the unbelievable feeling that they're all reunited now.

But not all of them.   
He stops Jasper from his very detailed explanation of where they are and what is happening, even if he knows by Raven's smile and expression she already figured it out.

"Where's Clarke?" he asks to no one in particular.

It's not even a question to someone. It's a desperate cry for help now that he's already realized she's not there. He just needs to know why, now. Needs someone to say it. He needs to hear it.

Silence falls around him. Among the newest group that joined them, people exchange looks. Among his own group, people just look confused.

But Raven is the one who talks.   
"She..." she swallows, but doesn’t finish her sentence, not yet. Bellamy understands from everyone else's expression they're all as confused as he is when Raven talks. "She failed the test."

At his realization, he relaxes his forehead. He knows what this means because he's read about it. But he can't bring himself to say it.

He shakes his head lightly but frantically, like someone who lost hope before even tasting it.

"Does this mean she can't be here?" Monty asks perplexed, but they don't miss the hint of sadness in his voice.

"It means she can't transcend." Raven says with shaky voice.

"No." Bellamy shakes his head again, and once again tears prick at his eyes, only this time they’re not of joy. "No. No, this— this can't be it. This... does this mean..."

He doesn't have to continue. Because he knows they get it. Raven nods.

And then, the tears start running down his cheeks.

* * *

Murphy's the one who takes a step to comfort him, but Bellamy doesn't let him, as he rises to his feet and swallow down the tears. He sniffles.   
"I'm not leaving her alone."

"Bellamy, there's nothing we can do. If she failed the test she—"

"I know that, O." he says.

"Then what—"

"No..." Monty says.

"Yes." Bellamy firmly states. He painfully clenches his jaw and shakes his head. "I'm not leaving her alone." he repeats.

"But what—"

"People... have free will here, too, you know." Monty says, interrupting Octavia.

His friends just seem even more confused. 

Emori shrugs her shoulders. "What's this supposed to mean?" she asks.

And he doesn't get to say it because Raven's the one who realizes it first. He sees her fear in her face, but something that resembles to a smile too. "You can choose to come back."

"Come back?" Octavia asks, confused.

"Yeah, give this up. You can choose not to transcend. You can choose to give this up to... well, come back to your life."

Bellamy knew he would've scared them off with this, and his confirm comes when many of them start mumbling to each other, some shaking their heads and some obviously asking what that would mean.

"So would that mean... we'd never transcend ever again?" Murphy asks.

"Yes." Bellamy says. "If you give this up... you can't join again. It's done."

"Are you sure it's possible?" Emori asks him.

And he nods. "It's possible. No one ever did it. No one ever came back. But it’s possible.”

"There must be a reason why.”

Bellamy, more sure of this than anything in his life, simply smiles wisely at his friend. “They just didn't have a good reason to."

###

The way the air gets colder and a light breeze start caressing her skin every time the sun starts to go away on Earth is familiar to Clarke.

She knows this means it'll be dark soon. But if there's something else she missed about Earth... it's the sunset. In her life she hasn't got to see lots of them, but the few she was lucky enough to witness left her completely breathless.

Picasso follows her as she makes her way to the beach, knowing she'll get the perfect view of the sun going away from there. As she watches Picasso freely run to the sea, a million thoughts come to her mind and she just would like to turn it off. It's been hard these two days and she doesn't know how she'll manage to go on.

Sitting on a fallen trunk, Clarke feels lonely.

It's only when Picasso starts barking that she gets distracted from her own thoughts, not knowing if to be thankful to her or not.

"Picasso? What's up?" she rises to her feet and frowns, trying to understand.

The dog starts running towards something — something? — on the other side of the beach.

"Pica— wait!” Clarke says as she starts running after her, "Picasso? Come back! Come here!"

She gets to her as soon as she runs to the other side of the beach, a corner close to the trees. "What's up girl? What'd you hear?" Clarke softly mumbles to her as she kneels down to pet her head.

But it's in this moment that she hears it, too.

It's the sound of laughters. Loud and joyful laughters coming from behind her.

Her heart leaps.   
_Is it possible that...?_  
No _._  
Impossible.

But then...

"I see she likes you."

 _There_. 

  
_In that moment, her heart leaps._

"Bellamy?" she asks quietly, with her voice trembling, like it's almost a prayer. She's just so scared this is all in her mind. But the hope burning inside of her doesn't betray her when she turns around and sees him.

She exhales, but it’s impossible to move or say anything. She partes her lips, but nothing comes out of it.

"It's me, Clarke..." Bellamy says, taking a slow and careful step towards her.

"H-How?" she exhales.

With a slow movement of his hand, he softly takes hers and brings it to his chest. He makes her touch him, feel his heart beating underneath her hand, makes her feel the warmth of his body underneath her touch.

"You're really here." she manages.

"Yes." he smiles, "Do you really think I'd leave you here alone?"

Clarke cannot believe her eyes, or her ears. She furrows her brows in confusion while an incredulous smile starts growing on her lips.  
"I can't believe this."

Bellamy smiles, giving her time to take everything in.   
She focuses on the steady rhythm of the heart beating underneath her hand, the same one she's touched years ago before ending up alone for years.

But this time... this time she wasn't alone anymore. He came back, for her.

  
"Bellamy..." she tries, shaking her head because she doesn't quite know what to say.

The last time she saw him, his body was laying motionless and lifeless on the ground. She's forced herself to push the image out of her mind, take the image of the man she loved laying lifeless after she could not avoid his death right in front of her eyes, out of her mind, but it all just comes back to her now that he's standing in front of her. Tears start pricking her eyes, and it's in that moment that Bellamy pulls her in a tender hug.

She abandons herself to it, letting him comfort her.

She's the first one to break the silence. "I can't believe you're really here. I'm so sorry, Bellamy. I'm so sorry for everything. For not saving you, I—"

"I know, Clarke." he interrupts her, "I know. You don't have to be sorry. I'm here now."

"It was true." she softly whispers against his chest, never wanting to pull away, never wanting to break the embrace where she finally feels safe and where her world finally started spinning again. "All of it. The transcendence."

Bellamy smiles. "I know it is."

"How?" she pulls away this time, needing to look him in the eyes. "How are you here?"

She sees Bellamy tilting his head to the side like she should know the answer.   
"We all transcended. Me... and the others. The whole human race."

"Not me."

"Not you." Bellamy confirms.

"I failed..." Clarke whispers. It's not a question exactly, more like a realization, a second realization. Like she's realizing all over again that she's alone now.

Well, technically, not anymore.

"You didn't fail, Clarke. And anyway, it doesn't matter anymore... because you'll never be alone."

"What does that mean? Are you—" she stops. She sweeps her eyes over his face carefully, before the realization sets in. "No."

"Yes, Clarke."

"No. Bellamy. No... no, no, why— why— no! You were happy! You were— peaceful there! Safe!" she shakes her head, her voice starting to get louder because as much as she hates the thought of being alone, she just can't stand the idea of him giving _that_ up. Not for her.

"I don't care about that, Clarke. I'm not leaving you alone." he shakes his head, "Not again." he whispers.

They both know what that means, they don't need to talk about it and he doesn't need to say it for them to know what he's referring to.   
Despite everything, despite it not being his fault, despite her telling him he did what he had to do and that she was proud of him for that, she knows how that still weights on his heart to this day.

"Listen to me," Bellamy starts, wetting his lips as he cups her face into his hands, touching her cheeks with a tender touch. "I don't care about eternal peace if you can't have it with me. And I don't care about being safe and immortal up there if I know you're down here alone. You're not going to have to bare it anymore, Clarke. It's over now. I'm here now. And I’m not gonna leave again."

It takes a while before Clarke manages to say something, her heart beating too fast and her brain slowly processing the implications of all of that. "You came back for me."

Bellamy lifts the corner of his lip. "And I'd do it again."

"Why?"

And _then... then_ he looks at her and Clarke knows already what he's about to say before the words leave his lips.

"You know why, Clarke."

It's all too much at once and Clarke cannot believe she has him back. Cannot believe he gave something he believed in so much up to be with her. Until now, the joy of seeing Bellamy again had distracted her from the laughs she heard. She only remembers that was reason why she followed Picasso here only when Bellamy takes her hand and speaks again.

"Look." he says, and tilts his chin to the beach behind her.

People.  
No, not people.  
Friends.  
Her _family_.

She sees Octavia, Miller and Jackson carrying big wood pieces from the trees to a spot on the beach.

Echo, Emori, Harper and Jasper are sitting in circle and laughing. She hasn't seen the latter in so long she exhales heavily at the sight.

Her heart warms when she sees Monty and Jordan sitting next to each other on a big stone, and Clarke doesn't miss the look in Monty's eyes. That one's the one she's had for Madi for so long.

Murphy and Raven are playing with Picasso, petting her head and she would recognize Raven's giggle everywhere. She smiles when she sees it makes Murphy smile too.

Her eyes fills with tears when she spots Wells, too.

People she hasn't seen in years, old friends, new friends, allies, people she loved and still does, people who've been by her side for so long. The only family she didn't choose but always cherished.

"I can't believe this. You all came back for me."

She doesn't need to turn around to know Bellamy's smiling. He squeezes her hand tenderly and pulls her closer to himself.

"You did so much for us all, Clarke. Of course we came back."

"You did, too." she looks at him. "I couldn't have done all of this without you, Bellamy. You deserve peace for everything you went through."

Bellamy's smile starts to soften more at its edges as he looks down at her, before he whispers. "I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be."

Clarke blinks a few times, both taken aback and warmed by his answer. She turns her head to look at her newly found family; they seem happy. At peace.  
And it doesn't matter what any humanly- shaped-entitled God has to say about this, they do deserve a second chance.  
They deserve to _live,_ and not just survive. 

Clarke looks at Bellamy again, smiling.   
Maybe, she just found the purpose of all the pain and the suffering. Maybe, she can stop worrying now.

Her home is this, her home is him.

And she's so grateful for it.


End file.
